Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Belay On!

 Saturday we spent a few hours at the local climbing wall...The kids love bouldering around.  Oscar and Poppy got some new climbing shoes with our REI dividend (gotta love free gear).  It was impressive to see what a difference it made in their abilities!

 I spent a good portion of the time in this position...neck looking up.   Yes, my neck was getting tired.
 Poppy wanted to master a more technical route and she got it.  It was so fun to watch her finger around the cracks for hand holds.  It is always fun to try to climb after the kids and try to grab for the holds I kept telling them to get.  Much easier said than done.

 I decided to try my hand on the route only to find that because I had been belaying for the past two hours, my forearm on my right side kept cramping as I would grip the holds.  Kinda funny, but not at the time.
 No worries though, I made it to the top.

 Oscar spent most of his time mastering complicated areas.  He had some decent blisters to boot.  Here is is bouldering after already being super tired.

 It's nice that we both can belay.  It makes it so both Oscar and Poppy can climb at the same time.
 Hazel on the other hand, spent a lot of time wanting this.  She will try a little bit of climbing, but she isn't won over by it yet.
 Poppy was snapping photos.
Oscar giving a tough route one last go...
Ahhhh spending time with my family.  It's what it is all about!

Friday, March 22, 2013

Sharing with a Capital "H"

(Hazel with her "binki-blanket," the one item besides the letter "H," I will not require her to share)

Have I mentioned I have added two  huge owl appliques over holes, and a new boarder as a means to making it last?

From the first time Hazel discovered the letter "H" on the story time library carpet, it has been "her's".  It isn't just the library carpet, she pens it on any surface that can conceivably be labeled.  She loves it.  She owns it, and beware the person who tries to say otherwise.  You will no doubt get her evil eye, accompanied by hands on the hips, with a wrinkled nose that will not tolerate anything else.  You could try, but don't say that I didn't warn you.  You may be snubbed for life.
It was "Carter day", the day Hazel (my 4 yr old) anxiously awaits every Wednesday.  It is a day of meeting at the library with her cousin Carter for story time, and then a play time at alternating houses each week.  It is the best day of the week! The two of them play for hours without too much friction, and an ongoing sense of kid-freedom from  their mothers.  It is the relationship that all mom hope to find, wherein the children cancel each other out.
I happened to have the little ones prior to story time, while their mom was accumulating a wooden crate that the two of us have been converting into chicken coops (that is a story for an upcoming post).  I was getting to story time just as it was beginning   The children ran in while I was returning some books. Hazel found her letter "H" along with a sweet little girl (who no-doubt also thought that it belonged to her).  She immediately made the mistake known and quickly evicted the girl.
I reentered the room only to see my child not being kind, considerate, or sensitive to the other girls feelings.  As any good mother, I immediately grabbed her by her arms and headed for the door.  Immediately it was tears, followed by her trademark "Hag Fish slime".  She was inconsolable.  The tears were flowing, sobbing, probably a combination of guilt and extreme sadness due to her not getting her letter, or story time. 
We sat on the bench just outside of story time, by the front door and check-out desk as she continued to melt down.  I was (as any good parent should do) trying to convince her of her wrong, encourage her to pick a different letter and to feel sorry for hurting the other little girl.  It wasn't working.  So we sat. She sad, me trying to figure out what to do.
My nephews and their mom were in story time, I had the car seats and she had boxes in her car, it was cold outside (Hazel wasn't wearing a coat)...we were stuck for the moment.  After about 10 minutes a older lady confronted me and in a not-so-pleasant way, told me I needed to make my child stop crying (as if I wasn't already trying to) she also said that if I couldn't, then I should leave.  She said her crying was bothering her and others who had come here to the library, and I shouldn't allow my child to be upset in the library...(that is the gist of it, but it was worse).  I responded as cool and collected as I could, and asked her if she wanted to try calming her down?  Ugh...the point is I felt horrible.
I felt horrible that Hazel didn't get to do story time, sad that she had hurt another little girl without a shade of remorse, felt hurt that someone would show such a lack of compassion to my predicament, and frustrated that I had unknowingly offended someone else.  It was such a complex level of emotion that would bother me all day.
My hubby has been out of town all week, and I could possibly be a little more sensitive in the lack of his presence, but the emotions were still so real and bothersome. Why couldn't I just brush it off?  Why was I feeling so vulnerable to the lady at the library?  Why can't I teach my child to share, to be kind or why couldn't I control the situation more effectively???
Being the wise sister-in law that she is, later in the day when she was picking up her son and I was discussing how I was having a hard time letting it go, she mentioned to me something she had read once (here is the link, I found it and read up on it a bit) about little children not being capable of sinning but rather, making mistakes.  The difference being, with sin it is an active choice and follows a process of remorse,  restitution etc.  Mistakes on the other hand, are actions lacking either knowledge or understanding.  It isn't premeditated, or possibly even recognized as a wrongful doing.  It is just a result of a choice, albeit a wrong one.
This brought me some peace in acknowledging that Hazel was somewhat justified in her actions.  She wasn't purposefully trying to hurt someone else,. she merely wanted what she wrongfully assumed was hers.  I too, wasn't seeking the opportunity to make this woman's library experience a bad one, I was just simply trying to console a disappointed child. The lady, much like Hazel, felt that the library was her space and we were infringing on her "H" of was suddenly a giant circle.
Since Wednesday I have been trying to process it all.  I'm certainly not perfect, nor do I profess to be, but one of my spiritual gifts has thus far been my ability to let things go.  I forgive pretty freely, and I don't typically hold grudges.  It seemed funny to me to be so bothered by something so trivial (there are after-all matters of consequence in the world!!!).  It has served as a great teaching opportunity for myself.  My parenting paradigm has shifted a little. I don't have a conclusion just yet, but I am curious, what do you think of the idea of children not necessarily needing to be "responsible" for their actions?  Before you fill me with odes of wisdom on teaching my children to share, check out this article and let me know what you think?

After unloading all of this on my oh-so-wise husband, he responded that indeed when I am forcing my child to say sorry (no matter how many times I make her) will most likely not result in remorse.  It really is just making me feel like I'm being a good parent.  Food for thought...
Here is one more insightful article on kids sharing practices.  A recent study shows that kids between 3-6 know they should share evenly, but don't.  Interesting!!!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Four Years in the Making

As I was flipping through the facebook messages in my account, my friend Jess at Blonde Ponytail happened to post that the submissions for Hood to Coast relay with NUUN were being accepted for bloggers.  I thought, "that would be awesome to run."  Having seen and heard so many great things from both Jess and Harmony @   Keep On Keeping On about their experiences doing it that past couple of years, it really got the wheels turning in my head.  I thought "I used to be a blogger"...I used to keep a pretty regular blog".  In fact, I used to have four blogs... What happened???
I started thinking about all of the things that have transpired since I last posted here, or on my family blog.  It had been so long I started making a list:
In the case of this blog, it began with the morning sickness of this little piece of heaven...
Who happens to look a bit more like this these days...
Four years later...
Next I thought about Post-Partum and how it kicked my trash after her birth.
For two years it was truly a struggle to keep my family functional and to try to regain my sanity.  Luckily with the help of a very understanding husband, some meds and a great doctor, I finally got my feet on the ground.
Things were coming around and although I kept teaching and running through those years, they were difficult and I had to eliminate some unnecessary items... therefore the blog got put on the back burner.
Interestingly enough, it was during this time of depression that I thought I would fix it with extra exercise and more stringent eating plans...I was convinced that if I could attain a certain level of fitness and physique, I would be able to cure myself.
I probably don't need to say that it failed...BIG TIME!!! It was exactly those thoughts of perfection that were driving me deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit of self-inflicted misery.
Ironically enough, it was shortly after I had read Intuative Eating, went off of medication in the fall of 2011, and felt I was getting a grip on my self,  that I was in a very serious car accident that left me incapable of exercise for a time.
All of the fears I had about me suddenly gaining a hundred pounds if I stopped exercising for even one day, that my body wasn't strong enough, defined enough, fast enough, healthy enough, were all brought back into perspective via a head-on collision.  It was the gift of life that made me truly begin to really appreciate the physical gift God had given me on this earth.   
I had/have a terrific body that was very capable.  I had ran 5 marathons, who knows how many half marathons, I could bike, hike, ski, swim, climb...I was strong!!! And suddenly I wasn't strong, for real.  I was hurt.  My left leg had kissed the dashboard with enough impact that even now,  1 year, 1 month and 24 days later(but who is counting), I'm still trying to fix.
It was humbling and empowering.  Many of my depression fears subsided as a result of my near-death experience.  I discovered that I want to be healthy.  That is it.  I want to be strong enough to live my life actively, with the ability to jump at any chance to wander the great outdoors.
I like food, good food, and I enjoy feeling good when I eat good food.  Tracking calories, carbs, protein, sodium obsessively is not the way I want/need to think about food.
I have stopped weighing myself (I know, big step).  You know what?  I am happier about my body today than when I was at the peak of my obsessiveness, and I still wear the same pair of jeans.    In fact, I'm pretty sure I've lost a bit.  The scale has lost it's control over me.  I am happy to be me.
Which leads me to where we are now...
We recently moved from Pullman, WA where all of my running/biking buddies are...for seven years we lived in the happy little town, with many happy people and yet we decided it was time to move closer to family.

Utah!  The land of recreation and beauty.  I love the mountains... as for the mass of people in the Salt Lake Valley? I'm working on embracing suburbia.  I miss my buddies, I miss my gym, I miss my spin class regulars...but I'm hoping to embrace our new reality.  Hoping to find my niche.
Last summer I was given the go-ahead to start running again.  I spent the Fall gradually increasing my mileage.  In November I was feeling a bit stronger and the runs were getting better.  I built up to 10 miles.  I was still having discomfort in my leg, but it was manageable.  I knew I was going to try to seek an ortho-doc to check it out, but with the move I was putting it off.
Early December while doing a speed workout I felt a sharp pain n my foot.  I stopped running and was just taking it easy.  January rolled around and it was not getting better.  I finally made an appointment.  The consensus was a stress fracture in my talus as a result of "my pulley-system in my leg not being back to normal".   My leg was booted for 5 weeks.  Just last week it was taken off!!!
The good news is that we are back to building up my running: 1 min. run, 4 min. walk for 20 minutes at a 6% incline.  Every other day I can run, and each day I get to add 30 seconds to my run time.  It's not much but it is a start.
The interesting part of Physical therapy this past week was him analyzing my running.  It was very revealing and slightly embarrassing.  Lets just say I have some work to do.  He could tell I was a cyclist by the way I sort of sit when I run.  Interesting...he gave me pointers, more exercises and stretches and wants to see me in three weeks after I've had some time to build.
Not having many friends or outlets and being encourage by the local gym I'm going to to get my AFAA certification, I am using this time to really study and hopefully certify on April 20th.  I'm excited, I have always wanted to do it but have never needed to to teach before.  You would think after teaching spin for 6 years that I wouldn't be nervous, but I am.
Well, that is the past four years in a very little nutshell.  Hopefully I will once again have this blogging outlet. Who knows, maybe I'll throw my hat in the ring of the Nuun Hood to Coast...or maybe I'll just have a reason to pick up my old blog and trudge forward on my Letty Legs.