Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Four Years in the Making

As I was flipping through the facebook messages in my account, my friend Jess at Blonde Ponytail happened to post that the submissions for Hood to Coast relay with NUUN were being accepted for bloggers.  I thought, "that would be awesome to run."  Having seen and heard so many great things from both Jess and Harmony @   Keep On Keeping On about their experiences doing it that past couple of years, it really got the wheels turning in my head.  I thought "I used to be a blogger"...I used to keep a pretty regular blog".  In fact, I used to have four blogs... What happened???
I started thinking about all of the things that have transpired since I last posted here, or on my family blog.  It had been so long I started making a list:
In the case of this blog, it began with the morning sickness of this little piece of heaven...
Who happens to look a bit more like this these days...
Four years later...
Next I thought about Post-Partum and how it kicked my trash after her birth.
For two years it was truly a struggle to keep my family functional and to try to regain my sanity.  Luckily with the help of a very understanding husband, some meds and a great doctor, I finally got my feet on the ground.
Things were coming around and although I kept teaching and running through those years, they were difficult and I had to eliminate some unnecessary items... therefore the blog got put on the back burner.
Interestingly enough, it was during this time of depression that I thought I would fix it with extra exercise and more stringent eating plans...I was convinced that if I could attain a certain level of fitness and physique, I would be able to cure myself.
I probably don't need to say that it failed...BIG TIME!!! It was exactly those thoughts of perfection that were driving me deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit of self-inflicted misery.
Ironically enough, it was shortly after I had read Intuative Eating, went off of medication in the fall of 2011, and felt I was getting a grip on my self,  that I was in a very serious car accident that left me incapable of exercise for a time.
All of the fears I had about me suddenly gaining a hundred pounds if I stopped exercising for even one day, that my body wasn't strong enough, defined enough, fast enough, healthy enough, were all brought back into perspective via a head-on collision.  It was the gift of life that made me truly begin to really appreciate the physical gift God had given me on this earth.   
I had/have a terrific body that was very capable.  I had ran 5 marathons, who knows how many half marathons, I could bike, hike, ski, swim, climb...I was strong!!! And suddenly I wasn't strong, for real.  I was hurt.  My left leg had kissed the dashboard with enough impact that even now,  1 year, 1 month and 24 days later(but who is counting), I'm still trying to fix.
It was humbling and empowering.  Many of my depression fears subsided as a result of my near-death experience.  I discovered that I want to be healthy.  That is it.  I want to be strong enough to live my life actively, with the ability to jump at any chance to wander the great outdoors.
I like food, good food, and I enjoy feeling good when I eat good food.  Tracking calories, carbs, protein, sodium obsessively is not the way I want/need to think about food.
I have stopped weighing myself (I know, big step).  You know what?  I am happier about my body today than when I was at the peak of my obsessiveness, and I still wear the same pair of jeans.    In fact, I'm pretty sure I've lost a bit.  The scale has lost it's control over me.  I am happy to be me.
Which leads me to where we are now...
We recently moved from Pullman, WA where all of my running/biking buddies are...for seven years we lived in the happy little town, with many happy people and yet we decided it was time to move closer to family.

Utah!  The land of recreation and beauty.  I love the mountains... as for the mass of people in the Salt Lake Valley? I'm working on embracing suburbia.  I miss my buddies, I miss my gym, I miss my spin class regulars...but I'm hoping to embrace our new reality.  Hoping to find my niche.
Last summer I was given the go-ahead to start running again.  I spent the Fall gradually increasing my mileage.  In November I was feeling a bit stronger and the runs were getting better.  I built up to 10 miles.  I was still having discomfort in my leg, but it was manageable.  I knew I was going to try to seek an ortho-doc to check it out, but with the move I was putting it off.
Early December while doing a speed workout I felt a sharp pain n my foot.  I stopped running and was just taking it easy.  January rolled around and it was not getting better.  I finally made an appointment.  The consensus was a stress fracture in my talus as a result of "my pulley-system in my leg not being back to normal".   My leg was booted for 5 weeks.  Just last week it was taken off!!!
The good news is that we are back to building up my running: 1 min. run, 4 min. walk for 20 minutes at a 6% incline.  Every other day I can run, and each day I get to add 30 seconds to my run time.  It's not much but it is a start.
The interesting part of Physical therapy this past week was him analyzing my running.  It was very revealing and slightly embarrassing.  Lets just say I have some work to do.  He could tell I was a cyclist by the way I sort of sit when I run.  Interesting...he gave me pointers, more exercises and stretches and wants to see me in three weeks after I've had some time to build.
Not having many friends or outlets and being encourage by the local gym I'm going to to get my AFAA certification, I am using this time to really study and hopefully certify on April 20th.  I'm excited, I have always wanted to do it but have never needed to to teach before.  You would think after teaching spin for 6 years that I wouldn't be nervous, but I am.
Well, that is the past four years in a very little nutshell.  Hopefully I will once again have this blogging outlet. Who knows, maybe I'll throw my hat in the ring of the Nuun Hood to Coast...or maybe I'll just have a reason to pick up my old blog and trudge forward on my Letty Legs.


Ramblin' On said...

Thanks for throwing your blog out there for us to enjoy. I love your candor regarding trying to stay fit while life goes crazy. I am bummed to only discovered you when right before you left. I'm happy you are in a supportive place and am inspired on how you keep trying. Thanks.

Danielle said...

LOVE it! And love reading about one of my favorite families!