Sunday, March 29, 2009
Learning Curve and the Privledge Child
I can hear it now..."Mom was Hazel the favorite child??"(cue in adult Oscar and Poppy as they review the records of Hazel's life).
You see it isn't really the case, it just so happens she is the first child who was born while I was a blogger, first to receive an abundance of monogrammed blankets as gifts from friends, first to have "professional" baby pictures (Betina), first that I may actually document what I remember from their baby blessing.
You see, I'm not really playing favorites, it is more a result of the learning curve and very generous people.
Postpartum with Hazel has been a much smoother road this time around. I'm certain it has a lot to do with the fact that I have had two other children first, we are more stable than we were for the first two, and I am much more laid back than I used to be.
I remember when Oscar was a baby that people would say "oh, you won't worry about that with your third child...etc." I would roll my eyes and be certain that I would maintain the same level of parenting objectives as I did then. I would chalk up their comments to their disillusioned parenting. I would certainly have the same objectives, ideals, and parenting style as I did then... Yeah, I was wrong.
I don't particularly mind being wrong. I don't mind chilling out and discovering that baby #3 has been a much easier transition than baby 1&2. Hazel could be the reason, but there are seriously some big differences between her and the first two.
With Oscar and Poppy I experienced some form of postpartum or baby blues emotional breakdown shortly after their birth. Oscar's was over his belly button getting stinky, and Poppy was over her having to stay at the hospital a couple of extra days. In both cases the situation just seemed bigger than life. I felt as though the whole world was going to fall. Oscar I even had postpartum for about a year...it was just something I figured out after it was over (gotta love hindsight).
This time around however I haven't had so much as a few little tears of joy. I haven't broken down, I haven't felt like I was going to fall apart. I'm not sure why, it could be that Rick took the entire week off after Hazel was here, or maybe that we are more established...what ever the reason, recovery has been smooth in this area.
I am beginning to wonder this time around if my Postpartum is int he result of food addiction...seriously my body isn't going back to normal as quickly as before and I seem to not have any self control...So, I suppose maybe postpartum this time is in the form of junk food.
Here are a few other differences:
Hazel has not been interested in a binki...the other two were binki lovers from birth (once again I'm not sure if this is a result of me or them???).
Hazel is a back sleeper...Oscar and Poppy would not sleep on their backs, I tried I really did, but no they were good sleepers as long as they were on their bellies.
Hazel eats on demand rather than me scheduling feedings every two hours. I know this sounds strange but with Oscar and Poppy would just feed them every two hours. It was peace of mind for me to know that they were eating frequently enough and that I could schedule them and know that I could do certain things during those two hours before the next feeding. I realize this was entirely my doing, but with Hazel I have chilled and let her let me know when she wants to eat. I have discovered that this has been nice. I know I can't predict the next feeding, but I no longer worry about having to feed her in public. I don't mind having a two hour break one feeding to a 1, 3 or 4 hour break the next. I just do what I need to do and when she lets me know, I stop and feed her. NO BIG DEAL!
These all seem like funny differences but believe me they are pretty big when you consider that your life is dictated by these small little things and how your baby responds to them. I'm a much more low key mom...I never thought that would happen. I have taken my sweet o'l time getting back to normal routines, and I really don't mind. I like the calm side of just letting this baby #3 flow naturally. So far this has been a good thing.
Today Hazel was blessed...she was beautiful and the blessing was enlightening. I really listened this time, I actually jotted down a few thoughts from it. It may be the fact that we had no family here for me to be thinking about, or that I wasn't worried about dinner after church...what ever the reason (along with all the other differences) I was grateful that I am learning, growing and discovering that I really don't know how to be the perfect mom but I don't mind changing along the road. I hope Oscar has patience with me as he is number one on the learning curve. I hope Poppy will know that even as the middle child, who I don't remember what was said at her blessing, will know that I love her and think she is a great big sister. Lastly I hope that I will continue to learn and grow into a much more capable, moldable mother.